The Virginity Game

16 Apr

What is society’s obsession with virginity about?  If you look closer at the subject, it’s specifically an obsession with female virginity.  Why is female virginity deemed so sacred and important?  The documentary How to Lose Your Virginity sets out to explore virginity, the hype and the myths surrounding it.

Losing your virginity has always been a hot topic. Having sex for the first time has been built up to be this wonderful thing that should be shared with someone you love or at least care about or at the very least someone you are dating.  Once you give it up you can’t get it back so make sure it’s special!  This is what we are told, this is what is ingrained in our culture.  What is your story?  Did you follow along or did you break the rules?

The term “losing your virginity” has always puzzled me.  To me losing something means there is a possibility that you can find it and reclaim it.  How can you do this with virginity?  It isn’t a tangible thing.  Unless we are specifically talking about the hymen which in actuality is not a good indicator of virginity.  Some women are born without a hymen and others tear theirs way before sex due to physical activity.  And then there are people who claim to be born again virgins. Which means they’ve obviously had intercourse, but now choose to be abstinent and can now declare themselves virgins once again.  Sounds like hocus pocus to me.

Most people associate virginity within heterosexual terms, with vaginal penetration.  Why is female virginity to be preserved or sold to the highest bidder?  Why are purity balls only for girls?  What I find creepy about purity balls is that it is the father that pledges to protect his daughter’s purity.  Why don’t the moms get in on this?  Wouldn’t a daughter rather talk to her mom about sex questions?  Oh that’s right…there isn’t suppose to be conversations about sex.  That’s why it’s a father daughter thing.  Dad says no don’t have sex, wait til marriage, end of discussion.  When are they gonna start purity balls for boys?  Where is the grand ceremony where the boy wears a white tux and is given a ring by his mom to wear to remind him that he pledged to save himself for marriage?

I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school for most of my school years.  Of course we were taught we should wait until marriage to have sex.  How many of us do you think actually complied with that?  Around 16 I started seriously thinking about the issue.  Do I want to declare myself a virgin until marriage?  How important or sacred do I think sex is? I mulled this over in my head.  My ultimate conclusion was that I would not wait until marriage because 1- I  figured marriage was many years away and 2- I did not know if I would ever get married because I wasn’t sure I believed in marriage.

This however didn’t mean I went out and started having sex.  I wasn’t in any rush and I’ve never been a relationship kind of person.  I waited until college.  People were fascinated that I was still a virgin.  If people would ask, I would tell them I hadn’t had sex and then I would be inundated with questions.  Why?  How come?  Are you religious?  You’re pretty how can you still be a virgin?  I experienced first hand people’s obsession with virginity.  No I’m not religious, no I’m not waiting for that special someone, and no I don’t think sex is dirty.

When I chose to have sex it was on my terms.  I was curious and just wanted to have sex.  So, I chose the cutest boy and I didn’t tell him I was a virgin because I didn’t want it to turn into a big deal.  Because it wasn’t a big deal to me.  It was sex.  And I’ve never felt like I’ve been missing something since then.  In fact, I’m grateful that I didn’t have illusions about romance and sex because I think people equate one with the other and that leads to a whole lot of pain and heartbreak.  Especially since our society is so obsessed with teaching young girls and women that sex should only be had if you are in love.

It’s time to disspell the virginity myths and teach women that it is ok to embrace and enjoy their sexuality.  Please support “How to Lose Your Virginity” by visiting their kickstarter page and making a donation.  Help get this documentary made!


One Response to “The Virginity Game”

  1. Michelle November 23, 2012 at 10:53 PM #

    ya what u hv said is so true.virginity thing is a total myth and it’s used for years and years to keep women in their is a biological thing you don’t become dirt by sleeping,eating ect,same is for sex. I live in a country where we have to prove our virginity in the wedding night. I cnt think if a man is so obssed with virginity thing he really loves you or care who you really are,it a very selfish demand.I dont think marriage is the safe paradise to have sex,it’s not proven saving sex until marriage is healthy and safe.

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