Tag Archives: sarcasm

Dear Cosmo Magazine,

10 Dec

What would I do without you?!  You are a true lifesaver!  What would my life be like if you didn’t tell me every month what I must do to keep my man happy, how to wear my make up & clothes, and how to be skinny?  I absolutely love your beauty tutorials.  I tape my favorite looks to my mirror so I can easily copy them.  I then go to the mall and buy all the products required to copy that look.  $200 later and Hello Gorgeous.  While I’m at the mall I of course have to get new clothes.  $200 on make up is nothing!  I just bought a pair of jeans for $200 and then a pair of heels for $600.  I think I just spent a whole paycheck in one afternoon, but what better way to spend my time and money than shopping?!?!  I’m going to look so fucking hot!  Your diet and exercise tips are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.  I would be lost without them.  I get up 2 hours early so I can do my exercises, eat my breakfast of an egg white omelet & piece of fruit, and then of course do my hair & make up.  Your dating advice is phenomenal.  During my day at work I always remember to send my boyfriend sexy text messages.  All I can think about is how I’m going to blow his mind later in bed.  Of course I know how to make sure I get mine too, but it’s ok if I don’t.  Making him happy makes me happy.  Also, thanks for the Need to Know Crime Story every month.  It’s great to be reminded that I need to watch out for myself so I’m not raped, kidnapped or killed.  Your advice is so empowering.  At the end of the day I’m exhausted and broke, but soooo happy.

               Thanks again Cosmo!  Love ya! Bye!

P.S. I know it may be blasphemy, but Cosmo You Are My Bible!